This is an article that I wrote for my university newspaper/newsletter. It started with a random sentence, and become a 700-word-plus article 45 minutes later. I decided to post it here because I thought it would be a tribute of sorts, considering that the 31st of this month is Independence Day, and all that. It also seemed like an article that needed feedback from people, namely my dear readers that visit this blog.
AN IDENTITY CRISIS? REALLY?
by Ganaesh A/L Devaraj
I am not an Indian. A pretty bold statement, don’t you think? Imagine the problems I would face if I ever decided to say it out loud, to a crowd of Indians, no less. Imagine the stigma, the insults. Sometimes, the temptation to just get up on stage and shout it out is so great that I have to silently pinch myself to snap back to reality. I could be branded as someone who thinks he’s too good for his own race. My mother once told me to stop acting like a “black-assed white man”. Rest assured, I’m not here to offend anybody, merely to point out an element which is already prevalent in our society. So, back to the statement. Is it racist? Am I denying my cultural identity by saying such a statement?
When I was growing up, my best friend was a Malay boy. My neighbours were Chinese, and my babysitter was Indian. Her son married a Malay woman. I usually spent my weekends playing at my friend’s house. He was Chinese. I had friends from all walks of life, and from all different races. Back then, it wasn’t really a big deal. Of course, you could put it down as childish ignorance, but let me ask you something. If it wasn’t a big deal then, why is it a matter of life and death now?
I’m not comfortable being in a group that consists of a single race. It just feels wrong. That’s how I felt during the first few weeks of being in this university. I found it very hard to communicate with people who weren’t Indian, and I couldn’t figure out why. Heck, I even had trouble communicating with certain Indians. It’s as if they had formed cliques among themselves, according to their lifestyle preferences. Because I like a little bit of everything, I couldn’t fit in anywhere. But that’s how I was forced to live here. Observing the students, it became painfully apparent what was going on. And I just couldn’t understand why.
What happened? University students of different races are now beating each other up. The study of ethnic relations now has to follow a strict protocol which doesn’t allow for frank and honest discussions. Movies that showcase Malaysian culture as it truly is are being criticized for showcasing “un-Islamic” elements. We keep forgetting one very important thing: this is Malaysia. This is where everything mixes together into a frothy, colourful mess. It is a melting pot in every sense of the word, our pride and joy. So, why the big fuss over something that is essentially our very identity?
People say that to find a solution to a problem, you must first analyze it. An intelligent, rational and analytical discussion on this issue is a must, considering the explosive impact it could have on every layer of our community. But Malaysians, being Malaysians, are an emotional lot, and they tend to bring their emotions into the mix. Thinking with their hearts instead of their minds sometimes bring out the worst in people, sometimes violently. So the general consensus now is to leave this matter alone, and go about our business like nothing is wrong. This uneasy peace might be good for some people who choose to live their days in denial. In truth, it is a ticking time bomb, counting down the days until the inevitable happens.
I have a simple solution. You want to solve all this racial tension? Then start solving it when the children are young. Don’t differentiate them according to race. Let them mix with everyone. Let them taste all the different kinds of food; let them celebrate all the different kinds of festivals we have in Malaysia. Let them experience everything there is to experience. Throw all these race restrictions out of the way, and don’t let politics cloud their judgement.
It might sound a little too simple, but it would be a good place to start.
Malaysia is my home. It may be a cliché, but there is no denying the truth in that statement. I love the sights, the sounds and the smells of this place. It gives me a sense of belonging, and I can’t imagine being anywhere else.
I am not an Indian. I am a Malaysian.
So, what do you think? Let me know.
I am glad that you have a strong sense of your Malaysian identity. I still don’t understand why is racial distinction so damn important in Malaysia? But fear not because today’s children are mixing around more than our parents. It takes time. Our education should play a big part in encouraging racial intergration and harmony too. But they are not. Merely having stories with Ali, Ah Meng and Samy together in textbooks are not going to cut it. We need to do more than that. It is indeed disappointing to see that not many people who graduated from secondary schools have a strong sense of Malaysian identity. Now, that’s what I call a failure.
Comment by Tinggi — August 10, 2006. @ 11:36 am
My brother would whup me if he know the way I speak here in the Peninsular. he would say, “Are you ashamed of yourself?!” He’s right, I am ashamed of the way I speak but I am not ashamed of my culture. Its just because I don’t fit in I try to minimise the friction by trying to, at least, sound Malaysian. Funny how even the way you speak or voice your opinion will stamp you as… queer. That’s not all, from where I’m standing even from among the races there is friction. Its frothy (mixed) but somestimes its just ugly. Start from young? Yeah that’s one way of doing it. There’s not much streaming from where I come from (malay shool, chinese school, tamil school) so we pretty much is used to rub shoulders and speak each others mangled version of the language. Of course up till we see how it is done here, where the percentages of different races in a school is usually 97%, 2%, 1%. Being a Malaysian and feeling Malaysian is different I guess…
But I like one trait, even in different languages, that we all share, the indistuctible question,”Sudah makan?”. :)
Comment by pabs — August 12, 2006. @ 2:56 pm
Sounds good on paper, especially the “I am not an Indian. I am a Malaysian” bit! At least there are some who still believe in that dream, congratulations. Here is an old post of mine for you to read and comment if you like: Malaysia: a self-segregated nation?
Comment by The Malaysian — August 12, 2006. @ 8:32 pm
heh call me a psychic but i’d knew the follow-up statement, “i’m not an indian, im a malaysian” will come up somewhere in your writing. Maybe its because i know you well ;)
GanaeshD: Heh, I know you know me well. ;) You know, I’ve said that statement many times, it’s just that people always mistake it as an attention-grabbing gimmick, instead of stopping to think about the meaning behind it.
Comment by fuz — August 20, 2006. @ 8:48 pm
A very interesting observation. But, there is one small problem with your “simple solution”, well at least from my point of view. You see people are also defined by what they see and hear. So, unless people are willing to throw out all the racial propaganda which is blasted everywhere, well, nothing will change.
Although it is a noble idea, and the way you view life is also how I view it, but some things can’t be changed because we start off by uniting children. We also have no bash a few thick skulled, racist old farts, in order to have somewhat of an appearance of a unity, instead of what we have today. A fake, shut up, no questions asked, no rocks turned, let things slide type of system and life style. And the moment some one asks something, it is un-Malaysian, or un-Asian. Well, thank you Mahathir.
Comment by AzLanM — November 3, 2006. @ 3:15 am
This is always a sticky topic innit? Being a Malaysian living in an “ang-moh” country, I always find it easier to define who I am - but it becomes a tad harder when I head back. You see - I have a very multicultural face. I speak BM with a local Malay accent - I have a very ethnic name. Try figuring that one out in a country that likes to figure out who you are before anything hey.
Have you ever realised that this kinda topic usually only hits the non-Malays? A Malay native would never face this problem. They would stick to their kind alike and leave it as that. A Chinese man/women would be happy to be associated with the Chinese viewpoint but Malaysian Indians try very hard to disassociate themselves from their native countrymen. Don’t get me wrong here. Most Malaysian Indians are at least 3/4 generation Malaysian’s. But at the end of the day, our roots go way back to one of the oldest civilisations ever. The history and culture dates back to BC. And yet, Malaysian Indian’s do not seem to embrace this thing that makes them unique to the rest. What does happen is most Malaysian Indian’s look West - Gawd! The brudderhood+bling mentality lives strong and is much observed on a Sat night in say Bangsar!
Before I get dissed off however, let me say that I am a Malaysian Indian (who unfortunately did not study in a local varsity) but was in a sekolah berasrama penuh that consisted of 3 indian females + 5 indian male + 1 chinese male + 5 chinese females and a handful of lain lain (from sabah/swak) - the rest were malays. Yes, the non’s were such a small group that I can clearly recall the numbers…. I fitted in fine, but the rest did not.
It is easier said and done really. Racism is alive. That post by that bank officer over wishing Diwali greetings to the non’s an example that tells us that we have a long long way to go.
Only till we have equality will we achieve something - and whose to know when that happens?
Ganaesh D: Well said. Let me clarify myself, in case I gave out the wrong idea. I’m not against Indian traditions. Quite the contrary, I fully support everything that’s being done by members of the community who wish to showcase and preserve traditional Indian culture. I salute them. What I’m pissed off about is the fact that we are so willing to assimilate ourselves into a modern culture that is contrasting to, and contradicting our own. The brutherhood/bling-bling mentality just plain gets on my nerves. As much as it is a pert of life for a certain group of African-Americans, it is, and never was, a part of ours.
The readiness and willingness of certain Indians to just plainly reject our cultures, values and mores, and embrace something that is so utterly foreign is something that I just cannot understand. But I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one feeling that way.
Comment by mirebella — November 5, 2006. @ 7:42 am