Shit. I think I’m getting that feeling again. That sick feeling at the bottom of the stomach, that strange sensation you feel, as if you’re going to throw up, but can’t. You just want to somehow, because it’ll make you feel relieved, but it just would not happen, short of sticking your fingers into your mouth. and forcing yourself to throw up. It seems I have a strange fixation with throwing up, but that is what comes to mind when this sick feeling comes.
That’s funny. I haven’t felt like this in a while.
***
I seem to be going through life half-awake these past few days. The basic action of going to classes is something that I’m glad to say has become a habit, but it feels so hollow sometimes. Sitting at the back of the class, alternating between listening to the lecture and doodling. It’s not fulfilling at all. I look at the others. Some of them are so attentive that I sometimes envy them. To devote such an amount of focused, undivided attention at will is something that is just beyond me.
I can’t go on living like this.
***
Don’t mind me. It’s just a phase.
I hope.
Uhm… read this… it sounds weird
http://www.linguamatix.com/linguaweb/translate?v=Yda9oP0PUFn7QWJGweW6QF5pWpL3pb2%2BLUCDyOnpalY%2F%2BIO3ogf57w%3D%3D
GanaeshD: …the hell?? I know I haven’t written in BM ever since SPM, but no way would throw up be membuang atas!
Comment by Fird — February 17, 2006. @ 1:45 am
“Membuang atas”? O_o Sum’ins wrong there. xD
I’ve never really felt like that at all, the need-to-throw-up thing. Maybe it’s just a stomach problem. Did you eat something weird?
If you can’t go on living like that, I hope you are doing something to change it. I wasn’t exactly the most attentive person in class, but when I need to, I do pay attention. And that is, when I think I’ll fail and become all “blurry” if I don’t grab some knowledge that’s being thrown at me.
Comment by Aneesah — February 17, 2006. @ 5:29 pm
I get the same feeling sometimes. Minus the throwing up part. Since I am a girl…. I could cry.
GanaeshD: Eh, guys also can cry, OK? Must not be afraid to show emotions, you know? :p
Comment by Madder — February 20, 2006. @ 2:17 pm
do u always portray yourself this way friend? even in real life, do you express yourself so passionately or do u blurt sentences?
GanaeshD: I would like to say that this is how I express myself (although ‘passionately’ is stretching it a bit), but the truth is I tend to go out on a limb (often unnecessarily) and blurt whatever that comes out. I don’t know why this crass habit came into fruition, but it is not something I’m proud of. I try to hold back my thoughts and opinions nowadays, but the end result remains to be seen. Self-judgement rarely works, and I would know that I’m on the right track if I hear positive remarks about it from other people. So, well, we’ll see.
On another note, you seem to ask the right questions, passerby. Are you truly a passerby, or someone I know, hiding behind a mask of anonymity? :)
Comment by passerby — February 20, 2006. @ 3:44 pm
its amazing how others can pay close attentin in class, stay put and answer whatever questions which are thrown to the floor.
If any of my lecturer ever aim a direct question at me, probably it would be a direct hit through the heart.
I would be miles away from class, maybe somewhere Morpheus would visit.
While others are climbing that mountain of knowledge, I’ll be climbing up a different hill, of a different adventure.
Futile effort, chis.
Comment by pablo — February 22, 2006. @ 1:23 am
i am indeed just a passer-by. i read ll of your entries and honestly, i somehow manage to obtain this feeling of hypocrisy. maybe? maybe not. but then again friend, only you’d know that, am i right?
Comment by passerby — February 22, 2006. @ 12:03 pm
try slitting a bitch’s throat.. it’ll make u feel better..
oh onimusha rules dude.. heheh
Comment by JusT — February 26, 2006. @ 5:17 pm
You know, I remember following your blog a while back. Then one day you disappeared off the internet.
Great to find you again, thought.
Comment by Shahriman Latif — March 13, 2006. @ 1:50 am
where are yoouu?
Comment by priya — March 15, 2006. @ 1:38 pm
this has nothing to do with your current post…
Muahahaha! i have pictures..of YOU! Muahahah! Hehehe thanks for baby sitting me at Melaka.
Comment by pablo — March 31, 2006. @ 4:17 pm
it’s been a while. you’ve moved from one space to another and to the next as much as i have (or have i moved more often?). i’m just glad i still know where you are. in my case, i’m keeping my fingers crossed that this will be the last of those “having to transfer” episodes. i look forward to more of your entries.
Comment by gab3 — April 27, 2006. @ 2:40 am