We tend to look at our lives using only one set of rules; our own. What we say, what we do. Our relationships, romantic or otherwise, we observe and evaluate them in what is essentially a one-sided affair. It’s not wrong in any sense. After all, everyone has a different set of beliefs and principles. What we see and feel and experience is entirely up to us to interpret, and if someone enquires our opinion about something, we express it. It is their choice to accept or deny it. So when a situation presents itself, requiring us to look at it from another angle, or from someone else’s eyes, often times we are surprised by what we find. Often times, we are shocked or even humbled, that the things we perceive to be true and irrefutable, is in fact, refutable.
There was this conversation I had several days ago, with a friend of mine in Melaka. I sometimes find myself thinking about the things we did together. I miss her weird mood swings, and her funny way of talking. Even the circumstances in which we met was not an ordinary one. We were part of a bigger clique, and thinking about it now, I never thought I would still be in close contact with her. Sending each other e-mails, offering advice, psyching each other up when we’re about to do big things. I’ve begun to miss her, a fact which I said matter-of-factly to her in our last conversation. Her reply to that was a smiley. Nothing more.
Naturally, this made me curious.
What, don’t tell you don’t miss me?
Well, no. Not exactly.
Kidding.
Nope.
Ah, this was a surprise.
Come on la. I mean, I’m not a stalker or anything, but we haven’t seen each other in like, what? Almost 2 years?
Yeah, I know. But seriously, I don’t feel that way at all. Of course la, we’re not as close as we used to be, what.
Yeah, but just because we’re not close doesn’t I can’t miss you.
I know, I was starting to sound a little pathetic. But, as far I was concerned, we had quite an adventure together. We both did some stupid things, and naturally, doing stupid things together on a regular basis usually makes for a stronger friendship. At least, that’s what I thought.
I know that. See, I miss my parents. I miss my family. They mean the world to me, and I haven’t seen them for so long. Honestly, I don’t miss you as much as you may think. Sorry.
Ah. Hmm. Okay. At least you’re being honest.
Of course, this doesn’t mean I won’t hang out with you when you come to Melaka la. Lepak is a certainty, and so is yum cha.
I could only smile. Honestly, that was not what I expected. But then again, she had always the honest one, saying what she felt, and being blunt in the process. That was part of what attracted me to her. She was just saying something that is true, but is often forgotten by most people. The fact that what we think to be the truth, usually turn out to be otherwise. She might not be subtle in her actions, but she’s honest.
You can’t ask for anymore than that from people, can you?

May I offer an observation? I think your friend is a brave person. Courageous.
How many are that honest and still be sincere? I mean, when you give someone that blunt of an opinion, you have the chance of hurting that person, right? It could sometimes severe a friendship. That’s why I say that she is brave because I can’t be as brave. I admire people like that, you can always depend on an honest opinion from them, even though it hurts (the pride).
Is it the genes? :p
GanaeshD: Not many, I can tell you that. I admire her bravery as well. I rarely see it in a person. In fact, that trait of hers is what attracted me to her in the first place. Even though it sometimes stings, I know that she meant what she said, without any sugar-coating. That’s why I love her.
Comment by pablo — December 25, 2005. @ 11:00 pm
Why do you use words and terms like ‘i miss you’, ‘attracted’, ‘love’ easily?
Doesn’t that just attracts (unintended pun) more heartache for you and uneasiness for other people?
GanaeshD: You know, that’s a good question. Honestly, I never thought of that. Now that you mention it, I guess it’s easy for people/me to get confused if those words are used freely without discretion. Not to mention the fact that it causes, like you say, uneasiness for other people. But then again, why can’t thpse words and terms be used for describing a relationship that is something other than romantic? A platonic relationship can sometimes be as close and as intimate as a romantic relationship. Although, that is a rare occurence these days.
But I know what you mean, and I shall remember that. Those words carry deep meanings. Thank you for presenting me with the opportunity to question my understanding on those words, and the impact of using those words.
Comment by Nirah — December 30, 2005. @ 1:34 pm
One question that i must ask…. If you were in that person’s position, would you miss you…? Speaking frankly as a person that has known you for more than 10 years …. even I don’t miss you … and I also havn’t seen you in 1 1/2 years … well, i haven’t seen Malaysia for that long either … but that’s beside the point … people who have been away make new friends create new bonds … branching out … and well, no matter much time you spend chatting through cyberspace or conversing through the more archaic form - snail mail. Nothing is like conversing face to face. Especially for people who knew each other face-to-face and then go on to become penpals. Why do you think penpals that have never seen each other in person would want to meet after a certain period of time? Simply because in person communication is much better than conversing through a medium … So, you can’t blame her on being honest about not missing you … I mean come it is to be expected. I know anyone reading this will probably think that I must be a twisted guy or at least a cold hearted person … but I am actually a realistic person … in situation like yours GD … a person must be realistic … you were not seperated for a week or even a month … it’s for two years. People get over it … the clock continues ticking … life simply carries on. Well, that’s my take on a small piece of your memory. Well, actually more like ramblings.
GanaeshD: Whoa, dude. Panjang gila. On a more serious note though, I’m not blaming her fro anything. I don’t know if this post gives you the impression that I do, but it’s certainly not how I feel. Of course, when I first read her reply, it was surprising. But I understood what she meant. And I accept that. But I’m certainly not blaming her.
Why should I? She didn’t say anything wrong.
Comment by azlan — January 6, 2006. @ 8:55 am
“Give up what appears to be doubtful for what is certain.”
Say what you meant to say.
Do what you meant to do.
What matters most is that you know you’re being honest with yourself.
GanaeshD: Ah, Alysa. I miss your visits, and your words of wisdom. Thank you.
Comment by Alysa — January 6, 2006. @ 2:31 pm